Must My Aspiring Influencer Pal Stop Using Me for Content?

One Side: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?